I Am Numb

Okay, so I am sad. No make that melancholy - Webster's defines it as a deep, pensive, long-lasting sadness. I don't feel like talking much. I don't feel like making love. I don't feel like going places. Don't feel like doing much of anything. Occasionally, I get in somewhat, flight (run away) mode and will go out and shop; buy stuff I normally would say no to. I eat because I'm bored or it's time to, not because I'm hungry. I sleep only with aid and then fitfully. I read. I clean house. I walk and groom my dogs, which I find soothing. Otherwise, I feel numb. I feel like that those around me are looking at me and saying to themselves, "You should be getting past this, I mean I know she was your best friend but it wasn't like she was your sister or your daughter. Come on you still have your family, your husband, your children and grandchildren; you need to start living!" Well, what do I say to that without sounding ungrateful for the love of my life and my beautiful children and grandchildren, of which I am profoundly grateful. How do I explain that one has nothing to do with the other. I feel numb. I feel numb. How do I explain that solitude and silence is a blessing right now because it doesn't require anything of me. I am numb. For the love of God, just let me be numb for a while. Let me be. Let me be.